Changes

It's rather late right now but my mind is still awake..

I feel that the finals that I'm having now came at a very wrong timing... I was having Pesta during the study break and recently I was informed that my bro, Addison is leaving to Perlis on 4th of July.. BBQ party this Sunday but unfortunately that's a really crucial time for me to focus on next day's exam... Rejected your invitation, sorry bro!

Another news that I've just got was from brother Jason.. I wasn't really surprise with your decision but felt sorry that I won't be able to witness the historical moment... Yes, I'm not attending this year's enrolment..

In another words, I'm not enrolling this year... Making this decision is a hard one for me as I enrolled as a member of 1stKL ever since joining BB in 2004... I choose not to now because I can't assure that I'll be attending BB meetings regularly in the coming days... I wonder what "enrolment" means to most of you, but I'm taking it very seriously... If I'm not able to commit, I will choose not to enrol... After all, it's a promise to God, in front of everyone...

Reason behind, I don't know how well and how long more I can stay in the junior section... I would say, I've never do well in the junior section and sometimes, I don't even feel like to... Yes, I love kids.. However, my life every Saturday now is so not "BB" to me anymore... I joined BB initially because of the activities in the senior section... I admit, I've lost "myself" during my time in the junior section... I was just doing something which I don't like every Saturday and I feel that I'm actually wasting everyone's time... Being a full-time junior officer even during Pesta preparations is disastrous to me seriously... Even I'm being put into the senior section now immediately, I don't think I can cope well, because I've lost my passion...

I'm not sure.. I start to wonder whether I've changed... I feel that I'm so weak sometimes because I get affected by the environment and people around me easily... I was never like that during the secondary school time... I looked back at some of my secondary school photos and I saw that I was once the man who could take on anything in the world... Felt so proud of the old me...

2010 has been a really really tough year to me... Grandma passed away, quarrelled BIG with dad, etc... Even now as you can see, this blog has become so dull and emo... I was trying to stand out from these, but I just failed again and again...


P.S. Jason, I'm very touched by your recent post on blog... I'm sorry, probably I'll need a break from all these..