Kasih Sayang

A video & a conversation just now caused me to think of the past.. looking back a little on my childhood.. my family.. and also my current life.. I remember a secondary school teacher (I forgot who), who used to joke with students: "tak cukup kasih sayang kerr?"

Indeed, I really feel that I lack of 'kasih sayang' in my life thus far.. maybe I'm demanding too much, or for a perfectionist like me would never get enough of it, haha.. Ya, I may not seem to be one.. but in fact I use to be a perfectionist in many aspects of my life, at least, my thoughts are.. =)

Often when talking about these, people will tend to say things like "hey you know what, you are much more fortunate than the Africans who are in need.. bla bla" so to get things clear first, I'm comparing myself to people who seems to belonged to the 'same world' as me, eg. age, financial, etc. I realised that I don't have a brilliant childhood like many other friends do have; I realised that I don't have a family which I can be myself and share my deepest thoughts; and I have not been through any relationship before.. Some people may just leave 'relationship' outta their life, but I consider it as part of the 'kasih sayang' that many people will go through.. The girls I like I'll just never get.. I had experiences previously that, even if we both loved each other and we knew it, it'll just not happen due to some reasons.

God. God is love. However, I just gotta admit that I'm not really close to God most of the times.. I just don't feel it sometimes.. Anyway, faith is going on.. sharing my problems with God is like the greatest thing I could do in my life.

In fact I'm waiting for an answer from someone.. I don't know if the answer is coming to me one day, I hope it's not too far away, and most importantly I hope there will be an answer, and not just a no ending thing.. I'm afraid, therefore I don't put too much hope on it.. but yea, I wish it would happen.. I don't dare to pressure, I don't dare to ask for the answer, I don't dare to talk too much as I might sound disturbing, I don't know how and what to express sometimes.. argh, I just don't know what am I saying anymore..

I was questioned that why am I not sleeping yet, I said that I'm doing something important.. indeed, this is a place for me to release, which is somewhat important.. *knock knock* I wonder there's still reader for this blog anyway, HAHA! Good night to myself.

她喜欢折磨人

一会儿对你好　一会儿对你坏

没有安全感

也不会给别人安全感

她爱不起

更怕伤害

最暴躁

最善变

最没耐心

最冲动

最耐不住寂寞

又喜欢假惺惺的让自己一个人呆着

有时候又充满阳光的气息

爱笑爱说话

活蹦乱跳　可爱迷人

那是在她真的开心的时候

她五官或许不是很精致

但她知道自己的闪光点

你可以说她自恋或者自以为是

她喜欢热闹

总会成为聚会的焦点

前提是她想

她也享受孤独

静座在一个人的房间

听着很伤感的音乐

虽然她经常会觉得孤独寂寞

抑或是想一个人

在房间里心情压抑低落

睡觉时候在床上辗转反侧

她也不会轻易打电话给任何人诉说

一早起来

又会轻轻松松的打理一切

慌慌忙忙的拽着大衣

拎着包往外冲

她从不轻言爱

不会撒娇　不会装软弱

不会说甜言蜜语

她的爱很沉默

那并非是因为她缺少那份勇气

在她的心里有一道栅栏

那就是自尊　那是责任

以及现实中的背负

他必须确定那个人

是否可以承受得了这一切的

承受她的撒娇、她的无理取闹

她的倔强　她的悲观

她所有的性格缺陷

且永远不离不弃

如果有一个这样的女孩对你说她爱你

那就代表在她的心里

你的分量胜过了她在乎的很多东西

她不让你给她买这买那

却也会为你私自买给她的礼物而暗自开心

因为女人觉得那是你的宠爱

她在意的是你的心

你若真心

她必然实意

她会经常冒出些新鲜的想法

来调剂生活

她的多变不会让你不安

只会让你快乐

她的敏感在你的 呵护下慢慢消失不见

她的倔强被你的保护软化

她的伪装在你面前被轻易识穿

她那样喜欢你的爱

这样懂她的人

才体会得到她的好

你别骄傲

因为没人可以吃定她

她是有些迟钝的

在感情方面

如果你在她还没反应过来之前就打算离开

那你最好别爱她

她从来不需要短暂的安慰

她的爱与不爱是忽然的　惨烈的

她真的决定去爱了

不两败俱伤身心俱损她不会收手

当然

当她不爱了

就是月老下凡也无济于事

所以

别爱这样的女孩

她太偏激　太虚伪　太神经质

太难伺候　太不温柔……

如果你没勇气可以坚持爱她

就别爱她

她想对你负责　对她负责

对自己的过去和未来负责

但请你不要轻易给她承诺和誓言

即使她很难相信

但她还是会选择等待和坚持

每次平静以后，我都会觉得筋疲力尽。。我想某些事情我真的很在意。 =')