Again

*Blog post deleted*

Too emo, so not me when I read back..

Something

I don't feel like letting many people to know this initially.. I typed something previously, but in the end I deleted... Now that I think, not many people will read this inactive blog anymore, and probably you'd only glance thru this blog once or twice and not anymore.. So I'll do it this time round..

I know you don't feel good recently, so do I (I didn't manage to hide my emotions at all)... Insomnia has been bothering me for more than a month, mainly due to the same matter... Recently it has been especially serious, slept only 1 hour last night, all the way till now... Nowadays I've been always seeking for something to waste a lot energy on, sports have been my favourite.. I really have got no choice, I tried cool down and think... but ended up I dropped tears, automatically.. Therefore, I'll have to make myself to almost-faint condition before going to bed everyday...

I wish I could do it like normal, just like I did in the beginning... However, I just realised that it couldn't be the way... If I continue to do so, I will only fall in love more & more.. get hurt deeper & deeper... Very sorry, I chose to be selfish, just to make sure myself can let go everything in the shortest time I could do... I think I had never love someone so deep before, what more it's on a girl which didn't seem to be 'the-girl-I-want'... It's all depend on feelings.. VERY strong feelings...

Sorry, just give me some time.. I will try to make everything back to 'normal'..

爱很简单

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
真的很简单

爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日也去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我
喔......

I LOVE YOU
无法不爱你 BABY
说你也爱我
I LOVE YOU
永远不愿意 BABY
失去你

不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单

爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日也去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我
喔......
I LOVE YOU
我一直在这里 BABY
一直在爱你
I LOVE YOU, YES I DO
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利

如果你还有一些困惑
OH NO
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着
爱你
YES I DO

Tioman

What do you think about having a holiday like this?

Anyway the trip was good! I was there with another 17 classmates, one boyfriend + one very cool tour guide called Albert... He's damn cool because he could drink all day long and beat me flat for pool... =.="

A stop on the way to the jetty

We were taking midnight bus and the photo was taken at about 2am... Just when I was about to fall asleep, the driver stopped at this mamak... Anyway, you can see my classmates were still energetic, enjoying their tea & 'cho di' session... =.="

Another scenery of Tioman

I wouldn't go into details on this trip, too lazy to, ha! I've abandoned this blog for quite some time and I find it rather difficult for me to start typing again about my life... To summarise, activities for this trip were: snorkeling, waterfall, beach volleyball, fish feeding, drinking, watching football, gambling... hahaha!

Recently, I'd been praying a lot on getting clearer directions in my life... After this trip, I find that God is just so amazing and my prayers were answered... I've got my mind so relax throughout the trip & shared my feelings to some friends... After the problems were shared, I started realising that some of them are not as bad as I thought actually?

Nice place for photograph... Also, the place that I miss the most due to specific reason...

Changes

It's rather late right now but my mind is still awake..

I feel that the finals that I'm having now came at a very wrong timing... I was having Pesta during the study break and recently I was informed that my bro, Addison is leaving to Perlis on 4th of July.. BBQ party this Sunday but unfortunately that's a really crucial time for me to focus on next day's exam... Rejected your invitation, sorry bro!

Another news that I've just got was from brother Jason.. I wasn't really surprise with your decision but felt sorry that I won't be able to witness the historical moment... Yes, I'm not attending this year's enrolment..

In another words, I'm not enrolling this year... Making this decision is a hard one for me as I enrolled as a member of 1stKL ever since joining BB in 2004... I choose not to now because I can't assure that I'll be attending BB meetings regularly in the coming days... I wonder what "enrolment" means to most of you, but I'm taking it very seriously... If I'm not able to commit, I will choose not to enrol... After all, it's a promise to God, in front of everyone...

Reason behind, I don't know how well and how long more I can stay in the junior section... I would say, I've never do well in the junior section and sometimes, I don't even feel like to... Yes, I love kids.. However, my life every Saturday now is so not "BB" to me anymore... I joined BB initially because of the activities in the senior section... I admit, I've lost "myself" during my time in the junior section... I was just doing something which I don't like every Saturday and I feel that I'm actually wasting everyone's time... Being a full-time junior officer even during Pesta preparations is disastrous to me seriously... Even I'm being put into the senior section now immediately, I don't think I can cope well, because I've lost my passion...

I'm not sure.. I start to wonder whether I've changed... I feel that I'm so weak sometimes because I get affected by the environment and people around me easily... I was never like that during the secondary school time... I looked back at some of my secondary school photos and I saw that I was once the man who could take on anything in the world... Felt so proud of the old me...

2010 has been a really really tough year to me... Grandma passed away, quarrelled BIG with dad, etc... Even now as you can see, this blog has become so dull and emo... I was trying to stand out from these, but I just failed again and again...


P.S. Jason, I'm very touched by your recent post on blog... I'm sorry, probably I'll need a break from all these..

Penang!

The bridge




The end of the bridge =P




Band final rehearsal




Penang's 牛腩面




Penang's Ramly, with marvelous marketing strategy... =.="




Kar Hoe being forced to cut hair... And that's where we ended up... XD




During the rehearsal of opening ceremonry




The beginning of the opening ceremony




4thKL band - did a strong performance for first timer!




Warm-up before entering the battlefield




Our very cool percussion line




Not forgetting, the drum major - SGT Benny Tham




Penang's famous traditional biscuits selling shop




Reli 'heng heong'!! XD




Derek the one credit finish game shooter & Choon Meng, who LOOKS very pro =P




This happens every midnight... very tired! >.<




The closing ceremony

I don't have much to say, but the memories preserved...

致爸爸的一封信

就如我先前答应的，会写一封信给您。那天我真的在赶功课，我答一句，您又骂回几句，实在讲不到话。外婆去世那几天，其实我有好多assignment要赶，所以一下子堆集了很多功课还没有做。

“天下没有不疼子女的父母”我明白这个道理。但我也想让您知道，天下没有一个孩子是天生就爱反抗父母的。其实最近我明白了另一样东西，就是许多人都最容易与家人吵架，而不是身边其它的人，是因为许多人都最在乎家人对自己的看法。所以，当所谓的“误会”在家里产生了，骂架一定骂得很凶，因为双方都很想对方明白，并接受自己的看法。

我不知道您读着这封信时有没有一点伤感，我有一点。是因为我必须用写信的方式来跟自己的爸爸沟通，与爸爸的沟通方面真的出现了很大的问题。既然我们面对面真的沟通不来，我希望您会用心去读完我接下来写的东西。

我小时候很爱讲话，跟家人更是没有什么避忌的话题。但当我长大，慢慢地明白事理，更加了解您的时候，我真的没有勇气跟您商量事情了。看到您如何因为一些小事而把家人臭骂一顿，我时常都不出声。不是因为我怕您骂我，是因为我还想保留我心里对您的那一点尊重；是因为我知道，不论我说什么来解释给您听，你都还会臭骂我一顿，导致全家人更加不开心。就如当您问我们电脑的问题时，我们解释了以后，您居然不同意且还骂回我们。就连您不熟悉的东西您都要跟我们吵。

关于电脑的事，还有一个我不喜欢教您的原因是，很浪费时间。因为我必须要冒着被您骂的风险，而且在自己不得空的时候教您。看到自己的爸爸有这种“活到老，学到老”的精神，有哪一个孩子是不开心的？但您命令家人做东西方式就是那种，“我要你做，你就立刻要做”的。有时您还在我不得空的时候，叫我陪您出去做东西。您有没有尊敬过其他人的选择呢？我们是您的家人，请别把我们当成您公司的伙计。譬如我说要迟一点才做一样东西，您总会骂我说“自己的东西都不理！”其实我不是不理，我是已经安排好了几时要做那件事，且相信那会是自己最空闲，把事情做到最好的时间。

“虎父无犬子”其实很多时候您应该明白，我身为您的儿子，您的脾气不好，我的脾气也不会好到去哪里。这也就是您通常知道我在想什么的原因。但我必须说，有时您却没有站在我的立场想过。当我在大学里面塞车塞了半小时不动时，您叫我等一下；可是当您自己看到某条路多车时，您居然可以硬硬地做一个U-Turn。那天我为了您那几句话，我用了两小时多，饿着肚子回家。加上早上的一小时，我总共花了三个小时多在马路上。您自己也是一个没耐性的驾车人士，如果有人叫您这样继续塞车，您又愿意吗？是在大学里，不会动，可以关掉引擎的那种！

一天只有那24小时，我真的不想花那么多时间在无谓的塞车。这也就是其中一个我要搬出来住的理由。可能您会想问，为什么我时常那么迟才要回家。我想让您知道，澳洲课程就是如此，assignment时常都堆在一段时期要你交。许多assignment都是团体的，不是一个人的功课。您一声“家庭温暖”和“省钱”，我可必须如牛般，迟睡早起，塞车，压力，以致您看到的满脸暗疮。

以我所言，这家庭我继续长住下去的话，会更加的不温暖。我必须讲出一个残酷的事实 - 我在这个家庭找不到温暖。再这样若无其事地住下去，我迟早又要跟您骂大架。搬出去住，至少可以让我更珍惜这个家，也希望会让您更珍惜我和家人的存在。再说，我又不是不回家。每个拜五正常来说我都会回家。

说到钱，又是一个敏感的话题。从小，我都很害怕要向您讨钱，也时常买不到自己想要的东西。所以这次搬出去住，我早已决定了用自己的钱来解决。放心，我不会向您要更多的零用钱。在此，我也想表达下我的看法。我知道钱的重要性，没有钱当然是万万不能的。不过，感觉上这个家时常都为钱烦恼，您会不会把钱看得太重呢？时常都看您在问姐姐关于她工作的事，都不见您关心下我大学的事情，或多体谅下妈妈。难道我们的人生是只为了金钱而活，那么无谓吗？这世界还有一样很奥妙的东西叫“亲情”。它是一样用金钱买不到的东西，就算是一个百万富翁花了很多钱在家人身上，也不能代表他很有亲情。我在BB看见很多关心自己孩子学习进展的父母，而我却只有一个问我‘BB有没有给奖学金’的爸爸，您说我会不会觉得心酸呢？

还有一样我觉得很让我想不透的是“信任”。从小到大，我都感受不到您对我的信任。我说什么，您都好像不信似的。我自认我没有什么讲骗话，有时甚至诚实到连朋友都会骂我傻的。我有骗过您，不过都是一些不重要的事情，骗那些事情都是因为不要您太担心。最后一次骗您的“大件事”，应该是我跌电脑辞典，骗您没有跌的那次。您可以回想看，我连去马六甲旅行没去上课一天，我都诚实地告诉了您。可是您就是不相信我做的决定。现在给您知道，那天真的不到十个人上课，老师没有什么教书，另外一个老师还请了病假。爸爸，我连蚂蚁都不舍得杀，您却把我想成是个不孝子，可以把您杀掉那种。信任呢？

我那天BB meeting到很迟，没有吃到晚餐，想要吃了晚餐才回，才导致迟回家。我不喜欢的，并不是你们打电话来“关心”我，而是你们的责问 – “为什么这样夜还不要回来！”我真的很饿，想要吃了才回。为了不要你们太担心，我还特地要求朋友陪我到靠近家的地方吃。我也不想你们怪BB meet到那么迟，因为我不想你们对BB有不好的印象。我真的没有到处乱跑，请不要过度担心。难道你们真的想要有一天我变得满口谎言您才甘愿吗？

您常说做的东西是要我好，那我也想给您一个忠告。请您不要在家里面吸烟。以您现在的年纪，我听到的很多人都开始戒烟了。舒解压力的方法有成千上万种，请不要用那么不健康的方法。另一个原因是，我们吸二手烟的危害会比您更大，简单来说，比您更短命。希望您在家里点一支烟时，会考虑到这一点。

希望您不会把这篇东西看作是怨言。我只想跟您沟通，让您更了解我在想些什么。我没有资格说您错，更没有资格要您道歉。我说出这一些，是希望您能多广阔您的思想，站在另外一个立场想想。请容许我好好地尊重您，爱惜您！

Ah Boy.

Mother's Day 2010

8th of May 2010 (Saturday):

Pre-juniors, preparing curry puff for their mummies =)

My mind was a little chaotic hat day... Perhaps I felt I didn't treat my mom well enough, but I was at the position to teach the kids on how to love their mom...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

9th of May 2010 (Sunday):

It was the Mother's Day...

My family & I went to Kajang to visit my mother's mom. Not only due to Mother's Day, but also because of the worsening of my grandma's health... She had not been eating for few days and was really weak...

Xiang, the current youngest family member for my mom's side




Don't move around!




Ah see! In fact he laughed at himself in the photo after this shot... XD




Emo Xiang

Xiang is my cousin bro's child... I consider him a very well-behaved boy, as he won't cry over little stuff and won't make as much irritating noise as normal babies do, haha!

Anyway, it was my worst Mother's Day, as I had a big quarrel with my dad, in front of my mom... Sorry mom!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

14th of May 2010 (Friday):

It was a further confirm that this is the worst Mother's Day...

Like usual, Friday was my turn to drive, and I drove to Zhi's house... A call from my sis basically made me complete breakdown! I was told that my grandma has passed away... I felt like crying on the spot, but I managed to hold on until I drove off from Zhi & Mei...

Immediately after I went off, tears was uncontrollably flow out from my eyes... I couldn't accept the fact at that moment... She was my only grandparent left, and so much memories were left to me... My mom did not switch on her phone & I went to look for her... I cried even louder the moment I'd found her and told her the news...

After reaching home, I took quite some time to cool down... My mom was more calm than me and comforted me... And the night when I finally saw my grandma, I didn't manage to cry already... Perhaps I'd already accept the fact that she is relieved from her sickness... Furthermore, she's already 94, with 5 generations!

Rest in peace Po Po!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15th of May 2010 (Saturday):

Didn't go BB that day...

Mr. Cheong & family visited my grandma's house... It was a huge spiritual support to me... Thank you!

Throughout the days, I was kinda disturbed by a matter which is the assignments... My group started the assignment very late, and I would have to leave my group behind, for 2 assignments! If you are reading this, so sorry again... =/

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16th of May 2010 (Sunday):

For the ceremony




Nicely done artwork, made by sand!




A closer view




The dragon




Head

After the ceremony started just a while, the sky started to rain heavily... It was really HEAVY to the extent that the wind & smoke flied right into our eyes... Nevertheless, the 2 Namo Lou still carry on what they supposed to do and were dancing under the rain for some time...

Anyway I heard that the original ceremony they'll even play with the fire but the rain did not allow them to do that...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

17th of May 2010 (Monday):

It was the day... My grandma was finally buried in Nirvana Semenyih...

It was the first time I cried listening to a brass band! The moment the band reached & started playing, the feeling is like they're gonna bring my grandma away... And that's the reason I posted the note on Facebook... I was crying at that time in fact... =/

烧猪

Another note, I realised God is doing something to the people around me... I realised I have 2 aunties converted to Christian with their family! Found out when they did not hold the joss stick...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To my dearest grandma:

May you rest in peace... 顺顺去！

P.S. "顺顺回" is what my grandma always said in Hakka whenever we were about to make a move from her house... I will miss her saying that...

Need A Chat

Am waiting time to pass... as this morning only I saw the sms from Zhi saying that we're going to uni at later time...

I find it hard to fall asleep again last night... Hate the feeling... Have you ever try before, physically tired, but wake up in the midnight in a sudden, and take a long time to fall asleep again?

I just realised that uni life isn't easy at all... not because of the tonnes of assignment or test... It's because of the changes of things around you, changes in the people, changes in your life... You may want things happen as simple as you think, and of course you wish everything goes according to you, but in my case, it'll just never happen.

I have a family who never trust me, never trust my decision... Can you imagine living in such environment for 20years? Can you imagine the feeling that, you never lie to them, but they just don't trust you again & again? I wanted to respect them, I always hear a saying in Chinese: "all parents love their children", I agree! But what about this: "no children are born to hate their parents"?

I've seen so many parents in BB, and I feel that their children are so fortunate, to have such caring & supportive parents... I believe my parents till now still don't know what the 4 stripes and the President's Badge on my arms are about. I did explain to them before, but they seemed didn't even care... Is this world all about money? YES! I start to believe, money is the root of all problem, I wish to go for a debate on this topic now.

In BB, I start slacking like I never do before... worse than the time I used to be a private. I miss the challenging senior section very much, but when can I go back? And senior section is so disappointing at the moment, not talking about the competition results, but the attitude... Oh well, brader Jason is coming back to town in a short moment... Perhaps.. oh not the right word... I'm 'SURE' that he will be able to give more motivation to both me & BB...

Other aspects like friends, studies, not talking about love/relationship which is null, everything is in a mess to me now... Perhaps the perfectionist in me plays a big part in this... I can't imagine that I actually spent such a short time to type all these out... Right, I should leave the house now...

I need a chat... a long chat with God

Labour Day, Awards Day... Saturday!!

Benedict - My favourite pre-junior, was trying to throw 2 Frisbees at once!

Well, unintentionally, Mr. Cheong & our SGT Benny were captured in the photo too... It eventually made the photo more meaningful as all 3 of them are part of the reasons I still go back to BB:

Mr. Cheong - My most respected BB officer, long-term serving, legendary!

Benny - The leader who stands by at all times, even in this tough period
Benedict - His innocence, his cuteness, his parents' expectation + trust on 1stKL!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Awards Day was good...

The band is really getting better & better!

Claimed for 2 advance stages award, at the age of 20!!

Probably my last Awards Day in BLUES... ?

23 - 24/4/2010

I went back to secondary school on Friday, to give some support to our 1stKL Pesta participants... There were recordings going on for the singing & dancing team...

During Saturdays, I wasn't able to get involved in any of the competitions preparation as I'm always stuck with the Junior section, which requires a lot of attention... =/ Anyway, I only stayed up to dinner and missed the dance recording...

We also had some fun among ourselves... =P Addi's drumming:

Fun watching him played what Kar Hoe instructed him to play

I find this very cool, hahaha!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yesterday was the KL State Drill, Singing & Dancing Display Competition...

1stKL got 3rd placing in both senior & junior section for drill... 3rd placing might sounds nice but knowing the fact that there were only 3 teams in junior section and only first 2 placing teams are taking part for Pesta in senior section, these aren't good at all...

As for singing & dancing, there's no professional judge but rankings were given... 1stKL lose out in both competition and I admit that it was very discouraging...

Anyway people, bear in mind that these were only displays, the final results will be determined in Penang! Losing out in drill is not the end of the world boys, cheer up!

Don't forget that we still have a 'secret weapon' - BAND!! Make us proud, band members!! ROARRR~

一对青年男女在公园约会时，女孩特别想放屁，她想了个办法：
女：你听过布谷鸟叫吗？
男：没听过。
女：我给你学，布（放屁声）一谷（口中发出的声音）。
学了几声后，该放的也已放完。
女：听清了吗？
男：放屁声太大，没听清。

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15th of April 2010 (Thursday):

Sushi bonanza-ed




I feel hungry looking at this photo... =.="




Yen was criticised for having bicep smaller than Kian..




Err... Suan la Yen... =P




Alex a.k.a. Marty @Madagascar




The basketballers




I took quite a number of photos, but none looked nice, especially the eyes.. =.=" so I'd decided to wear shades...

P.S. That's why must have sufficient sleep everyday!!

Looked so blind, haha!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

17th of April 2010 (Saturday):

Jennifer was absent, Hoe & I took over the pre-juniors... @.@




Amazingly, he knows what is an 'anchor' at his age... Kids are very clever nowadays!




I just failed to capture the cuteness of them... Believe me, they're 100times cuter than they are in this photo!!




Shout like a man!! XD

Before I left BB, I went to watch the seniors' dancing team practice...

@.@

I don't know much about dancing, but I could see that they were definitely having fun!!

Too bad during my time there wasn't any dancing competition, if not I would surely join and make sure myself get into the final team!

Wishing them all the best for next week's performance... =)

"Yay, it's Malaysian Studies!!"

"Malaysian Studies? 睬它都傻啦!"

"Menurut kepada Tunku Abdul Rahman..."

Wakaka, those captions are so untrue! In fact these are just some candid shots by me & Kian... Very few student attended the Malaysian Studies tutorial actually... My gang simply made up more than 50% of the class, haha!

Ohya, it's 12am now...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEN!! XD

We had a celebration with him today, his favourite activity - sing k!! It lasted for 6hours... @.@ Not forgetting, the Topman shirts that we bought for him as presents!! Our gang celebrated everyone's birthday, but never give out present... He must be a lucky guy huh? =P

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Chee Yen a.k.a. Aska, Gary, Tank, LeeHom, Justin!! Hope you enjoyed the day!

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My PTPTN got approved! =D

After deducting the scholarship that Taylor's has provided, the amount that PTPTN offered gives me some excess allowance actually, hiak hiak~

But of course, I'll have to bear the repayment when I start to work... =.=" sounds not so fun after all...